“Same-sex, interfaith, and procreating”
It’s a rainy Monday, and I’ve just dropped donor-dad (dad-donor? Dad? The “pretty much perfect”?) Rob off at the airport after a fantastic visit. Pathetic fallacy? I think so. Given that Air Canada decided not to go on strike and keep him here, Rachel and I are just going to have to take on all the soccer-playing, Pokémon-hustling, latte-making and chase-playing duties ourselves once again. This is hard, but we will prevail.
So here’s a little shout out to Rob and all the other queer parents who helped inspire my latest musings over at interfaithfamily.com today. Here’s a taste :
My partner, Rachel, met, Rob, the man who would eventually become our sperm donor, during her first year in grad school. Within weeks, she’d accomplished a major feat of advanced family planning: she managed to get him to commit his genetic material to us, well in advance of any concrete plans we actually had to have kids.
Finding Rob was a major coup. He’s pretty much perfect: kind, smart, good-looking, no unmanageable issues, interested in being involved with the kids but absolutely uninterested in parenting full time or having any say in parenting decisions. We’d struck gold with him — but it’s also true that he was the only man out of several we asked who was even willing to consider the possibility. The whole idea of “choosing” a donor is, actually, kind of misleading, implying that would-be same-sex moms can simply pick one of the dozens of tempting options dangling in front of them like ripe fruit.
So the fact that Rob wasn’t Jewish seemed like a minor blip to me.
Please read the rest and let me know what you think here or over at IFF.
















Can I be nosy and ask, do your boys know who Rob is? I mean, who he is, genetically?
Yes, you can be nosy
and yes, to the extent that they understand concepts like genetics, they know that he’s their dad and refer to him as such (as in, “My dad, Rob, is visiting.”). They know that he helped us make them and recent conversations have started to include the idea of what sex might be and different ways to create babies … We have always talked about Rob being their dad/donor since they were babies, mostly in an effort to to just have it be part of life rather than a big “reveal” conversation.
I love how you guys are breaking the mold so beautifully and funnily and full of heart.