Conversations in my 40s
Rachel: What was the name of that one-woman show we saw at the Tarragon?
Susan: With what’s-her-name?
Rachel: Yeah. In the smaller theatre.
Susan: No, it was in the main space.
Rachel: No, definitely in the smaller space.
Susan: No, I remember. The childhood memories? The fairies?
Rachel: Yeah.
Susan: Right, at the cottage, with the fairies and the neighbour and they tied her to a tree to keep her from rolling into the lake?
Rachel: Yeah. That’s it. And the divorce.
Susan: I don’t remember the divorce. But remember she comes in and starts off by talking about whether there’s an intermission.
Rachel: Yes.
Susan: And the neighbour sends her notes from the fairies, and she uses her sister’s record player without permission…
Rachel: Vaguely.
Susan: It was that woman, Susan something – she was the ex of that guy who founded that fancy new theatre company…
Rachel: What fancy new theater company?
Susan: Well, not that new anymore. Maybe 10 years ago now.
Rachel: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Susan: You know: the Distillery District, a focus on plays for actors, all sexy like…
Rachel: Soulpepper?
Susan: Yes!
Rachel: Oh, that guy. Schultz something.
Susan: Robert Schultz.
Rachel: no, no – not Robert. Al— …
Susan: Alfred Schultz!
Rachel: No, no, not Alfred…
Susan: Albert Schultz! Of course!
Rachel: And she’s his ex?
Susan: Well, she wasn’t then. They founded it together. And then they split up — not surprising, really, in the theatre world. You know, surrounded by nubile young actors and intrigue.
Rachel: Is that what happened?
Susan: Oh, I have no idea. That’s just conjecture.
Rachel: I see.
Susan: [pulls out phone, begins to type] A-L-B-E-R-T S-C-H … See, Albert Schultz and Susan Coyne! That’s right. And that’s the play, Kingfisher Days.
Rachel: No, no… I’m talking about a different play. With a little girl and the parents are getting divorced. I… I… something.
Susan: I, Claudius! I mean, I, Claudia!
Rachel: Yes!
Susan: Totally different one-woman show at the Tarragon! That was awesome!
Rachel: It was.
Susan: With the masks!
Rachel: Yes.
Susan: That was totally in the smaller space. I saw that twice. It was fantastic.
Rachel: It was.
Susan: She wasn’t married to Albert Schultz.
Rachel: Apparently.
Susan: But she went to my yoga studio.
Rachel: This is what happens when two middle-aged women try to remember something.
Susan: A hundred adjectives and no nouns.
Rachel: Exactly.
Susan: Are you calling me middle-aged?
My cousin is my mother and her partner is my father. That’s the only logical explanation for how you’ve come by this personal anecdote.
Just you wait until there is only one noun other that ‘it’ in every 10 sentences. I still remember your name, with some practice each day.