Big time

As in, I’ve hit it, apparently. I know this because of the increasing numbers of e-mails I now get from representatives of reputable clients looking to increase their web presence by virtue of me posting subtle, text-based links to their sites.

“Placing the advert will only take you or your webmaster 2-3 minutes of your time,” these representatives tell me. “This is the future of advertising in the online realm Susan,” they say. “I’m sure you know that us web-surfers have turned blind to traditional banner- or graphics-based ads. These are just plain annoying and dis tracting. Would you rather have these added into your site?”

Because my site — with its reach into the dozens, if not hundreds, of readers — is still valuable to them, they are willing to offer me $125 (US!) per link, with a bonus of $15 if I can get a link up within the next 24 hours.

No thanks, I say.

Okay, fine: $175 for a 12-month placement.

Really, no thanks, I say.

Fine: $220. Last offer.

But, I say, I’m not really convinced that my readers would appreciate links to reputable immigration lawyers or reputable online gambling sites.

Piffle! Utter poppycock! say the representatives. “As your website is pertaining to motherhood, our technical and clients team thought that it would be best if they approve your website for a client that will be relevant to both your existing subject matter and your audience.”

That’s what I mean, I say. That relevant thing. It’s not.

“Should people searching for entertainment think of knowing more information about how mothers can entertain themselves, your website’s content would complement their needs.”

Oh. Really. I don’t understand what you mean. In any case, I have some issues with online gambling sites and wouldn’t want to advertise them.

“I remain optimistic that we can still complete this deal, so long as we keep the communication lines open.” representatives say . Aust try it, say the representatives: see what it looks like. Decide from there. “I am pretty sure that by doing this, you can see how simple the whole procedure is, as well as how little (if there’s any) distraction it would cause to your visitors.”

But isn’t the whole point is to distract my visitors? To get them to click on the links? If it’s not, then isn’t this even creepier?

“Consider this as an extra (and instant) income, that requires minimal efforts from your part.”

Well, there is that to consider. Especially in light of that recent eBay lingerie bender. But, well, no.

“Please note that our clients only have limited slots for the adverts. We may have to switch to another client, or worse, not be able to finalise the deal at all once a client fully reaches its target. I am holding you one spot Susan.”

For all I know, the representative of the reputable client is holding that spot still, because I have stopped responding.

“You must not disclose, copy, distribute or take any action in reliance on this e-mail or any attachments.”

Whoopsie.

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